Time on my laptop: 6.15am!
Asal aku tak tdo2 lagi? Cos i was reading, got bored, slept, woke up n read some more.. den filled up my blog.. Boring nye pasal cos Totet tdo siang cos die penat layan perangai ku yg haiz.. perangai!
So i stumbled upon a few blogs and yet other blogs and ventured thru yet another of my fren's fren's fren's blog who's also my fren, all of wich i've never discovered before till dis sudden impulse of blog surfing, .. juz reading and juz drawing dat smirk on my face until....
Until i stumble upon a name. A name which's smack in the middle of someone's Blog..
JENG JENG JENG.....
...AJA...
Huh???!!! Tak terperanjat beruk aku dibuatnye.. Hampir terjonjol biji mate ku bile terserampak ngan nama 2.. Setahu memory ku yg hopefully not failing me, penah terdengar die kate ade blogspot. Tapi da expire.. So i TOT dis was d expired blog.
"Ah, tgk aje ja.." bisik hati ku yg maseh terkejut.. tak tau kenape.. tapi jantung ni 'pause' jap.
Page loaded.. and his multiply came to view.. Ooookkayyy.. Didn't noe dat existed..
Sedih ade. Gembira pun ade.
Sedih = Totet ku!! Kenape la tak pernah emphasize u mase ade tpt utk mencoret2 liku2 kehidupan mu? Boleh ku tatap, bace dan belajar dari kesilapanku.
I noe it's my fault. My fault for not bein persevering enuf to find out.. I'm sorry.. I do care for u.. I guez i forgot this one.... It's no excuse, i noe.. i'm so sorry :(
Gembira= Ade chance gak update myself on wat goes on in ur life..
Clicked on ur 'BLOGS' tag... Click! Page Loading... Ahhhh.. There It Is...
Ade la 1, 2 muke ku on d header of his blog entries.. Wah.. Peh excited! Ingatkan nak coret2 la sikit sal gue n habak pat korang2.. Mampus!! Sebak rasa di dada.. It's like wen u tot d part abt u is comin' soon.. it ended. Rather abruptly, actually! Cume 1,2 line je pasal ku.. Disappointed.. sikit la. Tak byk, sikit je. Sumpah.. Haiz.. tak interesting ke kite? I guez nth much of me to announce to d world la ehk? Takpe.. i understand.. I hope wif time.. there'll be brighter days.. :) its ok.
Sedapku dengar playlist si Totet.. Totetku Berdansa. Riang. Ria. Gembira
Keabadian Cinta - My Fav
Hikmah - D song that drives me NUTS.. n u noe it!
My Heart - How sweet is dat story!
Suzielah - Lagu Sabtu mu
Padi & Hasrat - Isit from my mp3?
Niways.. Sambil ku mendengar, mateku di-activate.. baca.. entry after entry..
& i swear as i was reading, tears juz welled up. Filled at the corner till it can't hold.. lalu titis la air mataku.. satu per satu..
Juz a tiny wee bit small part of me was a lil sad dat u didnt mention much abt lil barney.. Not that it's important aniway.. Ur blog, ur life, ur rules & ur say.. So no biggie aite?
Tapi ape yang membuat ku betol2 sedih.... me! I make me cry! Ironic? Yesh it's true.. I make ME cry cos i was not s good to you s i noe i shld have bn. (Yes yes.. Call me a sappy toot.. go ahead..)
To those times dat i've failed u (i bet it's ever so often)... me mintak maaf. In your times of hardship and in need, i added on to that pressure and trouble u had goin on in ur life.. I guess.. Me cume kangen. Rindu dan inginkan sepenuh tumpuan dan kasih syg dari mu.
Selfishness & Jealousy was Me! -- mainly cos i dun wan anyone else to have u ... N i'm sorry.

This is now...

& This SHALL be d future. xxPromise xx
I do hope sometimes that i'd came around earlier and be part of ur early stages of growing up. To share ur laughter, ur joy, ur pain n share ur burden. To share d load.. Impian kosong saje.. Seeing u smile in those old pix, makes me tad sad to not b part of it.But, Totet... I'm thankful for what we have now and thank u for being sick and still went out for a jog on d 21 Feb 06. Thank God!I promise to treat u good.
I promise to make u smile.
I promise... till end of time!
Lotsa kisses and tears.. From me to my one n only, Totet..